I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
