I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
