I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
