I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
