she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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