dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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