this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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