The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
FUCK WHALES
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
