I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
