I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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