you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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