I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
