we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
