I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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