I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
