i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
