It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
