Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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