Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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