You can't special order awesome
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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