can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
barbara walters just said penis...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
