I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
