he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
