Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
