If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
