I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
