This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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