So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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