Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
