K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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