I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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