So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
