Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
