I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
