And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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