i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
