so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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