pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
