my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
