I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
