I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
