don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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