My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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