we have pet lesbian snakes
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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