I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
