Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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