Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
