At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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