I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
