I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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