How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
