Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
